Memo- It was a dark and stormy night. The republican spyship, Uranium Two met with the Russians just outside Bowling green. The local Milk People were everywhere, collecting money for president* #heelspurs future legal bills. fox entertainment was there, covering it as a fishing tournament. Suddenly, the anthem started playing. The republican politicians tried to get up to stand, but there was no one there to help them. Homeless vets all over the country started disappearing because of the republican's inability to get up and stand. Mass confusion as they rolled around in failure.
When the anthem stopped, the republicans lay in their shame for a moment. They had to figure out a way to blame her emails for this. But how? Devin Nunes had the answer. He would just edit the memo, to follow whatever flavor of the day kind of mood president* #heekspurs was in. They would get millions of Russian bots to support releasing the memo. Most of the believers of president* #heelspurs wouldn’t read it anyways.
Somewhere there was a loud commotion. The fox entertainment crew were filming Jeff Sessions holding up a large frozen, gutted fish as his entry in the pretend fishing competition. Chris Christy had shown up thinking it was an all you can eat seafood contest. Things were about to get ugly.
Just then Mike Pence ran screeching from a tent. A female tried to put his name tag on him and mother wasn’t here. Mike insisted that because she had touched him, they were married now.
Mike fell to his knees sobbing. Mother had apparently heard about the ruckus and had shown up with her paddle. Mike assumed the position to pay for his sins. Just then, Tomi Loren appeared. She is 25 and knows everything. Surely, she can help. She was wearing skimpy flag outfit, totes respectful to the flag. “Temptress” screamed Mike. “Hussy” screamed mother! “Can’t you see “screamed Tomi. “Obama is tearing us apart. This is all part of his deep state plan”. Mother was having none of it. She swung her holy paddle at Tomi, hitting her in the ass and flinging her to the ground. Tomi got out of there like a republican at a town hall meeting.
Tom Cotton had written a letter to the world warning that none of their laws would be legal in the eyes of their sky daddy. Trey Gowdy showed up with his entry into the fake fishing tournament. It was a mechanical singing fish attached to a piece of wood. He said he caught it just this morning in down yonder crick.
Chris Cristy was now sitting on Jeff Session, while chewing on Jeff Sessions frozen entry. Jeff kept saying how his Russian friends would deal with Christy. Mike, having been well paddled by mother, was now eating his name tag that the other hussy had tempted him with. Over at the Brietbart tent, they were spinning a web about how in most schools, you get tortured if you get caught with a bible. The white kids have to sit on the floor in the cafeteria, while the minority children get tables and chairs.
The pool area was alive with action. Kellyanne Conway, who was now in charge of the opioid crisis, brought several thousand so no one would run out. Mitch McConnel was talking so slow and low, you couldn’t hear any noise, fortunately. Someone who looked like the Jimmy Johns founder was having sex with a blow-up fish. Rand Paul and Paul Ryan were arguing about which one of them Ayn Rand would like more. If it is based on how much you can screw people, it is probably Paul Ryan.
President* #heelspurs was walking around chatting. Every time he spoke he would clap, and often point to random people, or objects. For a while he had some of the Senators follow him around in a parade. But they would run away when he wasn’t looking.
Over at the Russian compound, they were giving away sacks of counterfeit United States money. They had a special tent where people seemed to be all wet when they came out. President* #heelspurs had been in there three times. Jeff Sessions had finally escaped from Chris Christy. He was there screaming and yelling at some Russians and pointing in Christy’s direction.
Things were really starting to ramp up. Someone who looked like Scott Baio was chasing the children around and screaming, “I am in charge”. Chris Christy had taken over a small bridge near the pond and insisted it was closed. Ann Coulter had taken up residence underneath the bridge also insisting no one could cross. Over at the Russian compound, they were having a sale on voting equipment. Republican states had lined up for that one.
The NRA was hosting their toddler gun safety workshop. Kind of an oxymoron. Bill O’Reilly was telling someone how he was on the steps of the theatre, when Lincoln was killed. Ben Carson was organizing a team to build pyramids, to store grain for the next Bowling Green gettogether. The republican spy ship Uranium Two, just got back from KFC, with the food for president* #heelspurs. Mother made everyone pray, before eating, smacking the hands of president* #heelspurs many times until he did it correctly.
Hannity was over in the corner on his knees before Clint Eastwood who was talking to a chair. He wept at the republican glory. Jeff Sessions came up to drink his tears. Pain and sadness were what drove Jeff to be the prick that he is. I don’t know how many times he was stuck in a locker in school, or in college, but he was getting his revenge. On everyone.
Next was dessert. President* #heelspurs of course got his two scoops of ice cream first. Then he watched carefully as everyone else got one scoop of ice cream. It was of course served by the local milk people. Who better to deliver a dairy product? Before anyone cold take a bite, president* #heelspurs thanked the millions of people that were there and began a prayer.
“Are father, who makes art in heaven, hallow be thy name, thy want to come, thy will be fun, maybe one skirt, maybe six or seven”. Mother stared at him with fiery eyes. But Mike whispered in her ear, I am next in line to be president, First Lady Mother Dear. Kelly gave her an opioid and she calmed down. President* #heelspurs went on to complain about the people in Puerto Rico complaining. Men’s live and careers are being hurt by these complaints. Some of them are true and some are false.
Next, he went on, I would like to introduce you to my ministry of waitress’s, Cindy. Cindy was just yesterday working at a fast food restaurant, and now she the head of a ministry. Clearly, I am making up jobs left and right. Would you like to say something Cindy? “I don’t know why I am here”, she said. Let’s give it up for Cindy. The president then started clapping, and pointing at random objects.
The Dick Cheney hunting party was just getting back. The wounded were being loaded onto the republican spy ship, Uranium Two for evacuation. Next, Cheney and Netanyahu were going to hunt caged rabbits with elephant guns.
Over at Sean Hannity’s tent, he was warning of the impending doom. Obama is coming for your guns and your religion. When someone pointed out that Obama wasn’t the president anymore, Sean responded with, that’s what he wants you to think. He began clicking his heels and saying, there no place like deep state. There’s no place like deep state.
Bill Oreily and president* #heelspurs were just getting ready to give a lecture on how much to pay victims, so they don’t come forward. Then Bill was going to go into the magic of tides and how no one knows what makes them go out, and then come back in again.
It was just about to get dark. That meant bedtime for Mother and Mike, and then the party could start. That also meant bedtime for the cast of fox and friends. Someone who looked like the founder of Jimmy Johns® walked by carrying a deflated fish in his arms and sobbing “what have I done Mr. Limpet, what have I done.”
Nancy Devos was showing some of the new text books the children would be learning from. They told all about how black people came to America on vacation, and then decided to stay. It also went into great detail of how Jesus rode dinosaurs as a young savior. There were a few chapters on how the American Indians lost North America through poor investing. Their science book stated that clearly global warming is a hoax because Al Gore had a big house. Some pretty outstanding proof.
She had a copy of Rob Porters book, If I did hit her, this is how I would have done it. It came with Scott Baio’s new book, How to keep your wife in the kitchen”. These were all thought to usher in a new old age of women who think they can’t do things. Ted Nugent was over in the corner playing his song, Are you shitting me, but know one was listening.
Motel 5 was just setting up their display for their new motels. “Immigrants check in, but they don’t check out. “John Moody from fox entertainment was standing on a soap box, explaining how our athletes are not white enough to win. Alex Jones was running around screaming, “you are not going to take my guns.”
Some young girls had finally caught someone who looked like Scott Baio. They were paid to deliver him to Kelly Ann under the bridge. After words, his screams filled the night. She vowed to let Chris Christy have what was left. Someone had figured out that every time you said Robert Mueller, president* #heelspurs would cry. He had been crying for about twenty minutes now.
Jeff Sessions arrived on a platform, being carried by prisoners. They were all old women. They had been convicted of laughing at him. He was going on and on about the evils of marijuana and how he was going to fill all the private prisons at tax payers expense. It sounded like Kelly Ann had passed her friend who looked like Scott up to Chris Christy now. His cries were far more muffled.
There was a loud wailing coming from the Hunting line. Eric and #heelspurs junior had missed the trip to hunt bunnies in their cages. That’s the type of manly hunting they like. Dick Cheney, who was tired of the noise, shot Eric in the face. Problem solved.
The Republican Spy Ship Uranium Two was returning from Seagull Fillet, with food. The attended had been assured that none of the food was prepared by gay people or single mom’s. They also unloaded a bunch of new weapons. People were getting shot as others dropped them or looked down the barrel to see if it was loaded. All in the name of freedom.
Over at the sacrificing table, Billy Graham (god never said I couldn’t be rich) was getting ready to say a prayer about all the tragedies from President Obama’s watch. Like the time he used mustard. Or the time he wore a beige suit. Sobs came from those in the audience. They were certainly glad to have an un-embellished presidency now.
The hollowburton area was finally set up. They had showers that would electrocute you. They would do your laundry for six dollars a pound. They would buy sodas out of the machine for Two dollars and sell it to you right there for twenty dollars, and they were advertising that they were hiring people to walk around and look busy for Eighty thousand dollars a year.
A trumpet sounded. It meant the arrival of the Kock Brothers. Politicians were on their knees in a heartbeat. They bowed as the Kock Brothers passed in their carriage pulled by baby seals. The Carriage was leaking oil as it went and giving off thick smoke because that means success. It sopped at a Gazebo, where Sheldon Saddleson was looking over a model to build the U S Embassy in Jerusalem. In the model, you could see little assholes going around and burning people out of their homes so there would be enough property.
The Robby Lobby had set up their museum of sky daddy. There were holy artifacts that been stolen from all around the world. They had spared no expense to buy these stolen artifacts. The money they saved by not giving their employees proper health care, only bough more goodies for the museum.
Over at the Russian area, they are having a sale on e-mails. Supposedly there are some real juicy ones on How Hillary got some free parking in New York one day. Another one mentions how her lunch was paid for by a Catholic on another occasion.
Also, the Russians had volunteered to install new radios in the Republican Spy Ship Uranium Two, for free. Who’d of thunk? They jumped all over that free offer. The NRA was having a sale on their, “Blame the victims” bracelets. For everyone hundred dollars you spend on one, you get to fire a gun that was once held by Oliver North at a school bus.
The administrations official Christian Which Doctor was blessing condoms and offshore bank accounts in a tent whose sides were made up by four giant American Flags. A naked Jeff Sessions ran by screeching, as the women who had been carrying him, were now chasing him. Help, he hollered, but no one liked him anyways, so the all just laughed.
Tonight, was the big finale. The opioid Czar, Kelly Anne, was handing them out like trump family visa’s. Someone who looked like he used to be Scott Baiao could be heard moaning in the distance, “Obama is a Muslim! I don’t work for Subway” There was a single chair on the stage, and that could only mean one thing. Clint Eastwood was going to come out and do his impersonation of a once big star.
Clint came out and kicked the chair, thinking it was his ex-wife. The crowd went wild. He kicked the chair again, and people in the crowd started firing pistols. The NRA leaders took cover under their table. Mother sprinkled everyone with holy water, while Mike Pence just openly wept. Meatloaf started singing what was once possibly the National Anthem. The crowd, half singing, half crying, blurted out the words.
The fireworks started. The president* started leading a chain of people around. They were boarding the Republicans Spy Ship Uranium Two. The election equipment they had bought from Russia had already been loaded onto the vessel. The local milk people were turning in the donations they had collected for the president*. Betsy DeVos promised to teach all American children how not only was Jesus born through and immaculate conception, but that he was also white when he came out. He was not the color of the local people. What was left of what looked like Scott Baiao was left praying on the beach.